- Ericca Dunn
Prayer Series - Part 6 - Notes for Parts 2 and 3
You will find the Part 2 Video in the previous post.
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 Your kingdom come,
YOUR WILL BE DONE
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.”
A large part of knowing God’s will is knowing what is NOT God’s will.
In this message we will look at 10 statements that sound like they are good.’
The m ay even sound like they could be bible verses, but they are not.
If believed, they will actually cause great problems in your life.
We could even become Doormats for others.
While it is true that God wants us to serve others, he never wants to us to be doormats.
Have you heard of the pandemic called
You may not have heard it called that, but you have seen it and I would guess that you have felt it to one degree or another.
Symptoms of people who have “Doormat Disease” :
They say "Yes," when they would rather say "no."
They often take better care of others than they do themselves.
Especially at this time of the year, which is the Christmas Season, there will be many opportunities to play the role of Matt.
I want to spell Matt’s name this way so that you’ll know what I mean…
“Mat”, as in “Doormat”.
The “Doormat Disease” can also be called the
“Disease to Please”.
To please, in balance, and according to God’s will, is always good, BUT it is never God’s will that you are a “Doormat” or that you have “, the ”Disease to Please”.
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you think that have the “Disease to Please”?
The good news is that this virus that has a cure and the cure is called, “Boundaries.”
If you think you may have been touched with the “Doormat Disease” or the “Disease to Please”,
then pay close attention to the following five thoughts and the reasons why they are impossible to actually accomplish.
We will look at numbers six through ten next week.
Do you believe any of the following, that seem like good, Christian thoughts?
To many people, they may even sound like Bible verses.
BUT THEY ARE NOT.
Harriet Braiker, Margaret Paul, PhD and their
"Ten Commandments of People Pleasers."
WRONG THOUGHTS OR PERSPECTIVES
1. I should always do what others want, expect, or need from me.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT this is impossible to do.
There will always be conflicting wills.
You will always have to say “No” in some way, to something, or someone.
Every decision of “Yes”, is a decision of “No” to something or someone else.
The “wants” and the “expectations” of others might be wrong.
What they perceive as their “needs” may also be wrong.
“As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!
10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Example of the Religious leaders wanting to shut the Disciples up:
27 The apostles were brought in and made to appear before the Sanhedrin to be questioned by the high priest. 28 “We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name,” he said. “Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and are determined to make us guilty of this man’s blood.”
29 Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!... 30 The God of our ancestors raised Jesus from the dead—whom you killed by hanging him on a cross. 31 God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might bring Israel to repentance and forgive their sins…
42 Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah.
2. I should take care of everyone around me whether they
ask for help or not.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT this is also impossible to do.
Often if they didn’t ask, they don’t “want” help, at least from you.
They may not know that they need help and
Trying to help those who don’t perceive the need can be like hitting your head against a brick wall.
Look back at your history with someone, have you ever been drained by trying to invest in someone who rejects it?
If you attempt to help someone who either does not want it or doesn’t think that they need it may accuse you of being judgmental or condescending.
By the way, be aware of those who take without giving, and adjust your expectations, as well as the amount of emotional energy that you can afford to give them.
Beware of people who “Cry wolf” and adjust your assistance to them on an emergency-basis, at least for awhile. "
Sometimes the answer to people’s problems is right in front of them within their reach but they do not reach.
One example is:
“The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”
-2 Thessalonians 3:10
Jesus did not always do what others wanted or expected from him. He did what they needed according to what HE KNEW THEY NEEDED.
Because of this, he disappointed many people.
3. I should always listen to everyone's problems and try my
best to solve them.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, sometimes you are not the one that God wants to help the other person.
It may also be that their problem is “Above your pay grade” or your experience, ability, or skill level.
If it may cause you to stumble or be tempted, you may also not be the person God has in mind to help that person.
4. I should always be nice and never hurt anyone's feelings.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, this is impossible.
Nice is a relative term. What is nice to one person is not nice to another person.
Some people think that Jesus was not nice when he called the religious leaders of his day hypocrites and white-washed tombs filled with dead men’s bones.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.
Whenever you address another about something that they do not want to hear, they have potential to think you “Mean”.
“Boundaries” typically seem mean and unfair to somebody.
5. I should always put other people first,
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, how can you be your best for someone else if you are not tending to yourself first.
Flight attendants will always say that in the case of an emergency that parents are to put the oxygen mask on themselves before assisting their children.
Jesus went away continually to refresh, rest, and be alone with his Father.
And we need to do the same.
The Bible does not mean that we are to put ourselves as second-class citizens compared to others.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking [only] to your own interests but [also] each of you to the interests of the others.”
The original Greek reads like the green above.
We are to look to our own interests BUT NOT ONLY TO OUR OWN INTERESTS.
“Above” in this verse does NOT mean that we are inferior, and that we should not look to our own interests. It means don’t look only to your own interests.
This was totally counter-cultural to the Roman and Greek worldview.
This does not mean that you are putting other people BEFORE you.
It is not God’s will that you are a “Doormat” or that you have”, or the “Disease to Please”.
That is a huge part of the will of God that Jesus meant when he taught us to pray,
“Your will be done”!
Remember that the cure to the “Disease to Please” and “Doormat Disease” is called healthy
6. I should never disappoint anyone or let
others down in any way.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, in a “Fallen World” ever since original sin in the Garden of Eden, there has been the presence of continual disappointment.
It is impossible not to have some kind of disappointment.
It is everywhere.
I have seen “Disappointment” present to one degree or another at every Wedding that I have officiated, every Funeral, every Baptism, Graduation, Holiday, party, etc.
Wherever there are people, there WILL be disappointment.
The Bible says that we are to be ready for disappointments and try to help others through theirs.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” -Romans 12:15
Each one of us may play a part in the presence of disappointment.
The tricky part is to figure out what role we are playing in that disappointment.
Just like with the issue of “offence”, the question is, did we “Give” offence or did the other person “Take” offence.
While offence may be present,
we may not be the cause.
It may not be us at all.
The cross of Jesus and the Gospel [Good News] about his grace was offensive to many.
Paul wrote: “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. 17 For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”
[This offended many Religious leaders of Jesus’ day.]
18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness,[Note: you have to “have” something before you can “suppress” it. ] 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.
[The Greek word means is “Intimately Known”. God intimately and personally makes himself known to people and they experience him, yet may reject him to one degree or another.]
20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, [Experienced God] they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.”
Jesus did not die on the cross and forgive people of their sins for the purpose of “Offending” people.
He did it to save them.
Though people are offended and have rejected that salvation ever since he died on Good Friday.
They TOOK OFFENSE.
If a person is personally disappointed with things in their life, they may often be disappointed with others, even blaming them for either causing the disappointment, or not doing enough to erase their feelings of disappointment.
Remember that you can please some of the people some of the time, but you cannot please all of the people all of the time.
Where you have legitimately disappointed or let someone else down, try to make it right.
After prayer, evaluation, discussion, etc, if you have NOT legitimately been the source of disappointment of someone else, let it go.
Do not let the feeling of guilt over it negatively affect your life, because it is false guilt that Satan is tempting you with.
I hate when I have legitimately disappointed others.
But I hate even more when I have been blamed for disappointing others when the source of their disappointment lies within them.
7. I should never say "no" to anyone who needs or requests
something of me.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, remember that every “Yes” to one thing, by definition, has to be a “No” to something(s) else.
We cannot be in two places at one time.
We cannot satisfy two people who are asking of us two different things.
Even when a request is legitimate, we may have to prioritize that request with other requests and responsibilities that we have.
Of course with respect to when it is God that is asking something of us, #7 is true that,
“We should never say "no" to God when he requests something of us.”
By definition then, we will have to say “No” to anything that is immoral or sin.
8. I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings toward others.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, no one is always happy, upbeat, or devoid of feelings that are negative.
While there are select times that we will have to “Put on a happy face” or “Fake it” for the sake of others, we should not be burdened to have to live that way.
Getting in touch with your disappointments is difficult stuff because often we are not fully aware of the things that are actually the source of our disappointment.
Often I have found that Unrealistic Expectations (of ourselves or of others) plays a big part in disappointment and guilt.
There are enough realistic expectations that go unmet, that make us unhappy that we don’t need to be adding unrealistic ones to the list.
9. I should always try to please other people and make them happy.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, you are not responsible for the happiness of others… period!
I will say it again, you are not responsible for the happiness of others.
There is nothing wrong with trying to be happy and bringing happiness to others, but “NOT ALWAYS” as the above statement #9.
10. I should try never to burden others with my own needs or problems.
SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, what makes you think that you are being a “burden” to others or by asking for help might be a burden to them?
It may or it may not.
If it is, then God has someone else to help you.
Ask someone else.
It usually is a blessing to others to allow them to help you.
If others do not want to help you, it may be that they think that you are not doing enough to help yourself.
It also might be that they don’t want to help you for other reasons, one of which might be that they are selfish or lazy.
Do you feet like a “Doormat”?
Do you feel like you have come down with the
“Disease to Please”?
Is it because of any of the ten things we’ve talked about the last two weeks?
Oh, the importance of “Boundaries”
from God’s truth.
You are valuable.
You are not the Savior of the world, Jesus is.
Let him bring his peace to you, and to others through you… as He determines.
That’s what it means when we pray,
“Your will be done.”